also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You pole danced in your parka.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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