I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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