When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
