My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
