You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
