If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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