she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
