the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize