and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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