I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
