My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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