made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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