You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize