I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
