my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
