I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Vodka?
Forever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
