Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
