You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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