Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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