hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
