You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
