I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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