Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
