LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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