somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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