I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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