Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
