He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
