I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
