the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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