Got a toothbrush?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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