So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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