we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
