Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
