Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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