no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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