I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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