Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize