Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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