She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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