Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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