I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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