all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
