i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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