remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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