it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
