So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
