My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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