Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize