You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
