How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
