"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
