i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
