I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
