some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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