No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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