talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize