why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
