I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize