Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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