I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
