Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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