I hate your face
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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