drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
