I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
