So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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