this just has baby written all over it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
