shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
