Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
