she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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