you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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