Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
love makes seman taste better
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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