You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
