just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
