We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
