i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
