I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
