OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
