when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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