You smell like stripper and shame
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
