I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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