make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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