You can't special order awesome
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Randomize
