My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think I am morally bankrupt
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
