come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize