If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
