I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
