We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
