forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
