just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
