Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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