Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
