I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
