I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
