Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
