And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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