i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
