The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
