gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
