what day is it and did you see me today?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize