Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think i have two assholes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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