in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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