in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
