the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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